Feversong: A Fever Novel by Karen Marie Moning

Author:Karen Marie Moning [Moning, Karen Marie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780425284353
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2017-01-16T18:30:00+00:00

Shaz the mighty fur-beast lived up in the air,

Watching all of Olean, grouchy as a bear.

Dani the Mega O’Malley loved that rascal Shaz,

And battled dragons every day while Shaz covered her ass.

Oh, Shaz the mighty fur-beast…

And so on.

I’d come to this spot near the wall many times since my first night back on Earth, and stood just like this, staring up at the gray stones.

Each time I’d come here to think. Sometimes I’d tossed things through. Once, a big, battered steel trashcan. I’d spray-painted words on it before casting it through: I SEE YOU, YI-YI. I SWEAR I’M COMING. And each time I’d ended up trying as hard as I could not to think, and especially not feel.

Now, I sank down to the sodden grass, leaned against the wall, pulled out my cellphone and thumbed up a song, in a rare masochistic mood.

As little Jackie Paper cruised turquoise seas on boats with billowed sails, watching for far-off pirate ships from Puff’s enormous tail, I thought about everything I’d done in my life and all the things I’d lost, and I thought about Dancer and how I was going to lose him, too, at some point, and I had absolutely no control over it, and when the song got to the part where it talked about dragons living forever but not so little boys, I rolled over onto my side, curled up into a ball and let the grief come.

I cried and cried and made so much snot you’d think we were made of snot, like ninety percent snot and maybe ten percent bones, and who knew what the hell held us together at the end of the day that kept us from just melting into a puddle of snot?

I knew what the song was about. I’d always hated it. Mom had played it for me when I was a kid, singing and dancing around the kitchen, and I remember just looking up at her and thinking, Is she NUTS?

What a horrible song! Why would anyone want to listen to it?

I knew it was about losing the magic. The wonder and innocence. Losing the belief in fairy tales because we’re crushed beneath the weight of responsibility and the perverse expectations of the world. I knew how good I felt inside as a little kid. I knew how bad my mom felt inside grown up. I could see what growing up did to you and didn’t like it one bit.

That was the day I knew I was smarter than my mom. The day she played me “Puff the Magic Dragon.” And it didn’t make me feel happy or important, or like, gee, wow, I’m really smart.

It made me feel lost.

If my mom wasn’t smarter than me, and I was dependent on her, who was going to take care of us? I’d pretty much decided it was up to me to take care of her.

Then I woke up in a cage and knew we were in a world of shit.

Mega brain. I was born with it.

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